Originally began on Sept. 23
OK I have to admit that this one makes me laugh out loud...and reminds me that no matter how old I get, I should listen to my mom!
Throughout the past 16 months I have often struggled to find a discipline technique that was effective for Jacinda. I have tried taking privileges away, adding punishments, verbal warnings, etc. And these have all worked for a while...and then they lose their ooph!
It was very frustrating for me to want to use this as a deterrent or teaching tool and realize Jacinda was not at all phased.
I had countless conversations with my mom about this very subject and then one day mom suggested that I hit my fashionista where it hurts and make her wear her outfit two days in a row.
For a child that adores being stylish and constantly complimented on her clothing, Jacinda was completely appalled when I described that was going to happen the next time she had a serious behavior issue.
So, a few days later when Jacinda had a behavior episode that left me aghast and at a loss, I suddenly remembered what my mom had suggested. I calmly and almost sweetly explained to Jacinda that her behavior was inappropriate, that she had not heeded my warnings on multiple occasions, so as a result she was going to be wearing the same outfit to third grade the next day.
She was appalled! But she got it.
Her head was hanging low the next morning as she traipsed into the third grade. That night she was apologetic and made a promise not to let it happen again.
P.S. More than a month later and yep, it's still working. EUREKA!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Missing Maryland
Originally started Sept. 7, 2010
This week I am in Maryland for work. Jacinda is home. Grammy is camping out at our house to ease the routine of things. And for the first time in a long time I am allowing myself to say out loud that...I MISS MARYLAND SO MUCH!!!
Several of my family members have asked me if I regret moving back to West Virginia and the answer is no, it was what was best for Jacinda and for me. I can't imagine being three hours away from my mom during the last year.
But I miss so many things about Maryland. I miss my church. I miss my church family. I miss the kids that used to be in my classes. They are growing up and I don't get to see that. I hate that they feel they lost the ability to chat with me about their every day struggles and problems. I hate that I wonder who is giving them advice and if the advice is good, valid or realistic. I hate to think of them discouraged and I hate to think of them forgetting me.
I miss lunching with my co-workers, my girlfriends and just spending the evening catching up at each other's houses. I miss the vast amount of cultural choices that were ripe for the picking. On any given weekend, you can have your choice of the arts and that was something I often took for granted.
I know I am not the only one who misses Maryland. Jacinda tells me quite frequently that she misses being there. For someone who only spent three months there, I am not sure what made the biggest impression, but I know that given the chance she says she would move back in a heartbeat and as for the folks she would leave behind in WV - she says she would send pictures. Sometimes she is such a charming kid. LOL!
And yet on the days when I begin to second guess my choice, I look around at our life now and think how rich it is with family. I remember those times in Maryland when I missed family gatherings, celebrations or just quiet times together. I longed to be part of it and now I am.
I also remember the early years in Maryland when I wasn't quite so content. It was lonely, it was hard and sometimes I second guessed my move. So if experience is the best teacher, I am thinking that in a year or so from now...I will be in a place where I wouldn't trade my life in WV for anything in the world!
This week I am in Maryland for work. Jacinda is home. Grammy is camping out at our house to ease the routine of things. And for the first time in a long time I am allowing myself to say out loud that...I MISS MARYLAND SO MUCH!!!
Several of my family members have asked me if I regret moving back to West Virginia and the answer is no, it was what was best for Jacinda and for me. I can't imagine being three hours away from my mom during the last year.
But I miss so many things about Maryland. I miss my church. I miss my church family. I miss the kids that used to be in my classes. They are growing up and I don't get to see that. I hate that they feel they lost the ability to chat with me about their every day struggles and problems. I hate that I wonder who is giving them advice and if the advice is good, valid or realistic. I hate to think of them discouraged and I hate to think of them forgetting me.
I miss lunching with my co-workers, my girlfriends and just spending the evening catching up at each other's houses. I miss the vast amount of cultural choices that were ripe for the picking. On any given weekend, you can have your choice of the arts and that was something I often took for granted.
I know I am not the only one who misses Maryland. Jacinda tells me quite frequently that she misses being there. For someone who only spent three months there, I am not sure what made the biggest impression, but I know that given the chance she says she would move back in a heartbeat and as for the folks she would leave behind in WV - she says she would send pictures. Sometimes she is such a charming kid. LOL!
And yet on the days when I begin to second guess my choice, I look around at our life now and think how rich it is with family. I remember those times in Maryland when I missed family gatherings, celebrations or just quiet times together. I longed to be part of it and now I am.
I also remember the early years in Maryland when I wasn't quite so content. It was lonely, it was hard and sometimes I second guessed my move. So if experience is the best teacher, I am thinking that in a year or so from now...I will be in a place where I wouldn't trade my life in WV for anything in the world!
Friday, September 3, 2010
The other 5 percent
Recently as I have been stalking other adoption blogs I have seen comments from other writers that other adoption blogs make it seem like everything is so happy and shiny and perfect.
And while it is true that most of the time I share positive moments with my daughter...ours is a life that is far from perfect.
My daughter is a beautiful, charming and intelligent young lady. She loves me. She loves the rest of her family. And she really knows how to enjoy life...95 percent of the time.
The other 5 percent, she becomes a defiant, sullen child, who seems incapable of making good choices. She pouts. She glares. She ruins perfectly good days with really bad choices.
Take last week for instance. The first week of school was a struggle. Jacinda seemed incapable of following simple instructions, she fought me over homework, lied about several things and was in general a real smart alec.
Last week, she pushed me to the brink. I took special privileges away, made her rinse her mouth with Listerine for lying and sent her to bed early on more than one occasion...but nothing seemed to help. She pushed my buttons consistently and constantly for a week and at every turn I was pretty good about not letting her get to me and diffusing the situation.
But then there was Saturday. The day started off peaceful and pleasant. And then mere minutes before we were supposed to leave for a big family event, things went south. And sadly, Jacinda finally pushed the button that lit my fuse.
Things got ugly - fast! It felt like it lasted forever when in reality it was only about 10 minutes. But it was like a slap in the face. Another reminder that we aren't "there" yet. And if the truth be told..."there" isn't even our real destination.
Helpful friends try to tell me she's just a kid being a kid. And I get where they are coming from. I used to try to explain there is a difference, but after a year of explanations...I have realized they are never going to understand and they don't have to. They aren't a mother of an internationally adopted child.
I also get Jacinda is not like other kids...she never will be and she doesn't have to be. She has so much still locked inside her, that even a year later, she is not able to share. She still mourns and she still aches for the life she doesn't believe it is OK to miss.
And sometimes I am just a mom struggling to make the best decisions and to focus on all of the good that has happened since we met that day last May.
So the next time I post about how proud I am of my daughter and how in love I am with her and how I can't imagine my life without her, please don't think I paint too rosy of a picture. I am just a new mom learning every day that despite the bumps in our road, we have much to celebrate!
And while it is true that most of the time I share positive moments with my daughter...ours is a life that is far from perfect.
My daughter is a beautiful, charming and intelligent young lady. She loves me. She loves the rest of her family. And she really knows how to enjoy life...95 percent of the time.
The other 5 percent, she becomes a defiant, sullen child, who seems incapable of making good choices. She pouts. She glares. She ruins perfectly good days with really bad choices.
Take last week for instance. The first week of school was a struggle. Jacinda seemed incapable of following simple instructions, she fought me over homework, lied about several things and was in general a real smart alec.
Last week, she pushed me to the brink. I took special privileges away, made her rinse her mouth with Listerine for lying and sent her to bed early on more than one occasion...but nothing seemed to help. She pushed my buttons consistently and constantly for a week and at every turn I was pretty good about not letting her get to me and diffusing the situation.
But then there was Saturday. The day started off peaceful and pleasant. And then mere minutes before we were supposed to leave for a big family event, things went south. And sadly, Jacinda finally pushed the button that lit my fuse.
Things got ugly - fast! It felt like it lasted forever when in reality it was only about 10 minutes. But it was like a slap in the face. Another reminder that we aren't "there" yet. And if the truth be told..."there" isn't even our real destination.
Helpful friends try to tell me she's just a kid being a kid. And I get where they are coming from. I used to try to explain there is a difference, but after a year of explanations...I have realized they are never going to understand and they don't have to. They aren't a mother of an internationally adopted child.
I also get Jacinda is not like other kids...she never will be and she doesn't have to be. She has so much still locked inside her, that even a year later, she is not able to share. She still mourns and she still aches for the life she doesn't believe it is OK to miss.
And sometimes I am just a mom struggling to make the best decisions and to focus on all of the good that has happened since we met that day last May.
So the next time I post about how proud I am of my daughter and how in love I am with her and how I can't imagine my life without her, please don't think I paint too rosy of a picture. I am just a new mom learning every day that despite the bumps in our road, we have much to celebrate!
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