Last Year

A week or so ago I posted about patience and how I was going to graciously accept this "gift" and learn from it. Well turns out I may be full of hot air. Tomorrow I am heading to the beach for a little R&R. Sounds like it should be a piece of cake, right? Well actually this vacation brings up tons of memories from last year.

Last year my best bud Aimee was in the middle of her Ethiopian adoption. Her dossier was in country and she was making preparations and she had a referral. We all remember distinctly crowding around her laptop as the newest pictures of her daughter slowly appeared on the screen as she cursed dial up. We spent the vacation visiting Outlet malls and picking up must-have items for Aimee's "Maybe Baby." It was then that I made the real and tangible decision to put plans in motion for adoption. Of course my plan was to wait until the beginning of 2009 and dive headfirst into the process.

Last year during our vacation, I had a conversation with my mom about my decision and it led to the worst fight ever. When my mom uttered the words, "I just don't think you are ready to be a mom," my heart broke. It was a real and tangible hurt that haunted me for months. I was broken because the woman who had been my biggest supporter had told me that she didn't think I had it in me to make my heart's desire a reality. Words are powerful and those can never be taken back. However after several candid discussions and lots of tears, we worked out. And if someone would have told me that less than a year later, my mom would be where she is today as an excited grammy-to-be, I never would have believed it.

Last year as Aimee and I made our rounds to the outlet stores, we picked up all these goodies for my niece and her daughter. And honestly up until last week, I thought this year I would have my turn. I really thought a referral would come before vacation, so I could hit all of those sales and stock up, but it just wasn't meant to be. So I am working on being patient, which is not easy. Aimee gets to be the one who makes me laugh with things like "Come on Shimmy Baby, we need a referral." You have to love her irreverance in all matters. (Hopefully no one from my agency will read that and be offended :-) !)

So with that I sign off for another break. Who knows maybe the next time I blog, I will be breaking some news of my own. Until then I am just going to stock up on Smalls from the little girl's department, surely a 2-5 year old won't be bigger than that!