Today is not a good day.
After hearing words like not long and soon, I read last night on my agency's board that I won't be getting a referral any day now like originally thought. The coordinator posted last night that she would begin giving out referrals in about a month or so.
Today I am disappointed.
I sent her an e-mail to see if I interpreted her correctly and she answered by saying I did. She further explained that there are some new rules being discussed by Ethiopia next week and she wanted to wait for the outcome of this meeting to ensure that every waiting child is eligible for adoption under these new rules. She went on to say that she would hate to refer a child now only to find out that the child was even adoption ready. I totally get it and I believe in God's perfect timing but despite that knowledge I am behaving more like a bratty toddler than a mature Christian woman.Today I am impatient.
There was a lot of discussion from those who have referrals and those who have adopted that waiting after receiving a referral is the hard part. I don't mean any disrespect to their advice, but I will have to wait and see. Because I think for me, this will be the hardest part. I know in the long run another month doesn't matter and that receiving a referral today or receiving a referral in September will probably pretty much equal the same travel time. Based on that a lot of the agency folds are saying it doesn't make a difference. But for a mommy-to-be who longs to see the sweet face of her little one, it matters to me.
Today it feels less real.
But I do have hope and good news since tomorrow is a new day and the Lord's mercies are new every morning.
Today will be over soon!
5 comments:
People (agency people in particular) should learn that waiting parents are not idiots and can see right through a smokescreen and double talk.
They are, however, vulnerable and want to believe in the very best scenario. Respect should be top priority and respect=honesty and as specific language as possible.
For the record, my two cents is, that having that picture of that little face made the waiting easier. So, on we go...knowing that surely the wait must be even harder for a very small girl very far away.
Hang in there, my friend.
One of the hardest things about waiting through an adoption is not knowing what is the "acceptable" emotion. What is the appropriate level of grieving for a waiting parent? Until you are part of the process you can't appreciate the agony of waiting. I know so well where you are at. We waited almost 7 months for a referral.
It was during the time that I think I got my glimpse into what people struggling with infertility must go through. The lack of control, hope followed by disappointment is excruciating. I could go on but I won't. If you need to talk don't hesitate to call me.
Hey I am the agency person!!
I can't imagine all the emotions you feel while "waiting" for your child. I guess it would be like waiting to give birth to a child only to have the doctor keep changing the expected due date.
I hate that you have had to wait this long. Please know my postivie energy is coming your way.
Kalkidan needs a partner in crime!!!
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