As you know, Wednesday was a very disappointing day, but by the time evening came, the Lord had ministered to me and helped me find a new song to cling to. I couldn't wait until Saturday, so I posted it early.
I Will Lift My Eyes
(Bebo Norman)
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the ocean's raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the ocean's raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the ocean's raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Nerves of rubber
For the last few days I have been wishing that it was Thursday. By Thursday I should know whether or not Miss Jaci B and I pass court. The time between the court date assignment and our court date (sometime during tomorrow night) has flown. But as the days dwindle down I am in limbo. The excitement is like a current running from my head to my heart. Can the dream I have been waiting so long for really come true in less than 72 hours? Could 72 hours bring another huge disappointment in this adoption journey that has come so close to breaking my spirit so many times? The answer to both questions is...YES.
I was thinking about the old saying...Nerves of Steel when I woke up this morning. And I was just about to wish that I had them...when it hit me. I don't need nerves of a cold, hard, unyielding metal...what I really need is nerves of rubber. I need to be able to be stretched to my limit on Wednesday if the news is not good and still bounce back into my original condition, a little out of sorts, but still the same.
I trust the Lord and I know his timing is perfect. I mean I KNOW his timing is perfect. I also know His ways are not always my ways and that He sees far more than I do. So whatever He decides is fine with me. However if the Lord decides there is more waiting in the future for me, then I need to be prepared. And if He decides Wednesday is the day my dreams of becoming a mom finally come true, those nerves of rubber will sure come in handy as I bounce up and down in jubilation.
I was thinking about the old saying...Nerves of Steel when I woke up this morning. And I was just about to wish that I had them...when it hit me. I don't need nerves of a cold, hard, unyielding metal...what I really need is nerves of rubber. I need to be able to be stretched to my limit on Wednesday if the news is not good and still bounce back into my original condition, a little out of sorts, but still the same.
I trust the Lord and I know his timing is perfect. I mean I KNOW his timing is perfect. I also know His ways are not always my ways and that He sees far more than I do. So whatever He decides is fine with me. However if the Lord decides there is more waiting in the future for me, then I need to be prepared. And if He decides Wednesday is the day my dreams of becoming a mom finally come true, those nerves of rubber will sure come in handy as I bounce up and down in jubilation.
Friday, February 20, 2009
You've got to have friends!
Today I am going to pay homage and give thanks for all of the wonderful and beautiful friendships that have complemented my life. I didn't have photos of everyone, but please know that even if your face doesn't grace the frames of this video, your friendship means the world to me! Thanks for everything!!!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"So was it hard?"
This was the question I was asked this morning by someone at my corporate office concerning my adoption.
It isn't the first time I have been asked this question and I know it won't be the last...but for some reason today...I paused when asked. Because I realized my answer has changed.
At the beginning of the process during the paperchasing era...it was a series of check marks on a list. I am a great list maker and follower, so that part was almost comfortable. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Nope, if I can do it, anyone can do it."
Then came the waiting for a referral...and then more waiting...this part was incredibly hard for me. There wasn't a rhyme or a reason. No one could give me a tangible end date or even a timeline for a worst case scenario. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Incredibly."
And then I saw her face. People had told me this would be the hardest part...but it wasn't not really. Suddenly everything clicked. I had a face. I had a name. I had the end in sight. I don't think anyone asked "Is it hard" during this phase because I was simply walking on air.
Then there was the wait for a court date. This part again tested my limits of sanity. Because again there didn't seem to be a rhyme or a reason, but soon (although it didn't feel like soon at the time)...a court date was confirmed. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Oh my yes, but I believe this is all part of my labor."
And here we are a week before my court date and I don't know where time has gone. This time has flown by. My stomach is in knots, as I have said I am having problems sleeping. I keep trying to imagine what it will feel like if I don't pass and there is more waiting, but I honestly can't even go there right now. Because right now is a scary place to be...either way.
So today when I was asked "So was it hard" I answered..."Single-handedly the hardest thing I have ever done, but without a doubt...the best thing I have ever attempted to do." And suddenly it hit me...I sounded like a mom and that part wasn't hard at all!
It isn't the first time I have been asked this question and I know it won't be the last...but for some reason today...I paused when asked. Because I realized my answer has changed.
At the beginning of the process during the paperchasing era...it was a series of check marks on a list. I am a great list maker and follower, so that part was almost comfortable. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Nope, if I can do it, anyone can do it."
Then came the waiting for a referral...and then more waiting...this part was incredibly hard for me. There wasn't a rhyme or a reason. No one could give me a tangible end date or even a timeline for a worst case scenario. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Incredibly."
And then I saw her face. People had told me this would be the hardest part...but it wasn't not really. Suddenly everything clicked. I had a face. I had a name. I had the end in sight. I don't think anyone asked "Is it hard" during this phase because I was simply walking on air.
Then there was the wait for a court date. This part again tested my limits of sanity. Because again there didn't seem to be a rhyme or a reason, but soon (although it didn't feel like soon at the time)...a court date was confirmed. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Oh my yes, but I believe this is all part of my labor."
And here we are a week before my court date and I don't know where time has gone. This time has flown by. My stomach is in knots, as I have said I am having problems sleeping. I keep trying to imagine what it will feel like if I don't pass and there is more waiting, but I honestly can't even go there right now. Because right now is a scary place to be...either way.
So today when I was asked "So was it hard" I answered..."Single-handedly the hardest thing I have ever done, but without a doubt...the best thing I have ever attempted to do." And suddenly it hit me...I sounded like a mom and that part wasn't hard at all!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Saturday Song - Valentine's Day Edition
Let me just say that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Valentine's Day. I know everyone tells me that it is a "holiday" fabricated by Hallmark to rake in some extra revenue. I don't buy it...literally. I use it as a day to tell those I love just how special they are to me.
With that being said, I had all of these good intentions to create a video montage of some of those folks...well that didn't happen. Sure I could spend some time today getting it ready and posting it...but instead I am going to be out and about celebrating all the love that the Lord has seen fit to place in my life.
So here is one of my favorite "LOVE SONGS" of all time to enjoy for this Valentine's Edition of Saturday Song...Lemonade by Chris Rice.
So go ahead and ask her
For happy ever after
'Cause nobody knows what's coming
So why not take a chance on loving
Come on, pour the glass and tempt me
Either half-full or half-empty
'Cause if it all comes down to flavor
The glass is tipping in my favor
Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!
Now take your time to answer me
For the beauty of romancing
Is to calm your trembling hand with mine
While begging love to fill your eyes
I can hardly breathe while waiting
To find out what your heart is saying
And as we're swirling in this flavor
The world is tilting in our favor
Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!
I've got it made
Rest in the shade
And hold my love
While God above
Stirs with a spoon
We share the moon
Smile at the bees
More sugar please
He really loves us after all
We're gonna need another straw!
We're gonna need another straw!
With that being said, I had all of these good intentions to create a video montage of some of those folks...well that didn't happen. Sure I could spend some time today getting it ready and posting it...but instead I am going to be out and about celebrating all the love that the Lord has seen fit to place in my life.
So here is one of my favorite "LOVE SONGS" of all time to enjoy for this Valentine's Edition of Saturday Song...Lemonade by Chris Rice.
So go ahead and ask her
For happy ever after
'Cause nobody knows what's coming
So why not take a chance on loving
Come on, pour the glass and tempt me
Either half-full or half-empty
'Cause if it all comes down to flavor
The glass is tipping in my favor
Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!
Now take your time to answer me
For the beauty of romancing
Is to calm your trembling hand with mine
While begging love to fill your eyes
I can hardly breathe while waiting
To find out what your heart is saying
And as we're swirling in this flavor
The world is tilting in our favor
Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!
I've got it made
Rest in the shade
And hold my love
While God above
Stirs with a spoon
We share the moon
Smile at the bees
More sugar please
He really loves us after all
We're gonna need another straw!
We're gonna need another straw!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Saturday Song
So I have been having trouble sleeping for a week now. Nothing is really wrong and I don't think I am stressed out about anything more than the usual...work, adoption, getting everything done that needs to be done, various volunteer responsibilities and a few other crazy things that have gone on in personal life recently...OK maybe I do have a few things on my mind.
Anyway I digress...usually when my sleeping pattern has been disrupted this long, I start a regimen of Benadryl and/or Tylenol PM for a few nights to get back on track. When I was still awake on Friday morning at 3:30 a.m. I seriously considered throwing the recommended 8 hours of sleep to the wind and doing whatever I needed to do to get some zzzz's. I didn't and pushed through, but I was miserable most of the day.
Last night I was all ready to take some medicine and settle in for a restful night of sleep when Aimee suggested I try some relaxation music. I did and without the aid of any foreign substance I had a great night's sleep listening to this Thunderstorm Music. So much so, I am going to try it again tonight.
So in honor of my wonderful dreamless sleep, the Saturday Song this week is Relaxing Thunderstorm.
Sweet Dreams!
Anyway I digress...usually when my sleeping pattern has been disrupted this long, I start a regimen of Benadryl and/or Tylenol PM for a few nights to get back on track. When I was still awake on Friday morning at 3:30 a.m. I seriously considered throwing the recommended 8 hours of sleep to the wind and doing whatever I needed to do to get some zzzz's. I didn't and pushed through, but I was miserable most of the day.
Last night I was all ready to take some medicine and settle in for a restful night of sleep when Aimee suggested I try some relaxation music. I did and without the aid of any foreign substance I had a great night's sleep listening to this Thunderstorm Music. So much so, I am going to try it again tonight.
So in honor of my wonderful dreamless sleep, the Saturday Song this week is Relaxing Thunderstorm.
Sweet Dreams!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Progress!
I know it is just a shelf in the bathroom, but it is progress. It is also a sign that soon I am going to be sharing my space with a real, live little princess.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Hi Mama!
I was able to view a 9 second video where my girl said her name and then waved and said "Hi Mama." WOW, I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds!
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