My failure

Last week was Jacinda's first week of school and I have to admit...I didn't do so well. It wasn't the emotional "letting go" that got to me, it was my own high expectations for her to soar.
This is not an easy post to write as I have had a weekend to reflect and it comes down to this...I screwed up.
I spent days working with (i.e. stating my case, researching policy and fighting some) the local school system to get Jacinda in what I believed was the best placement for her...second grade. I dressed her in the cutest outfit, made sure her hair was beautiful and sent her off to the school beaming. That evening, she excitedly met me at the door and her teacher explained their homework. She had given each child a lunch bag and they were to fill it with items and make a "Me bag." Sounded like a fun excitement until I got home and discovered my own dear daughter didn't bring the bag home. She seemed to have no clue what I was talking about and it soon escalated into a ugly lecture time on responsibility.
I finally calmed down and pulled it together, only to have a repeat of bad behavior (mine not hers) the next evening.
I got a note home from the teacher that said they did simple math problems (2+3 and 1+5 were the examples given) and that Jacinda had struggled. I was livid. This child has been doing these same problems for much of the summer. Unfortunately I did not calmly approach the situation... not at all. I was ticked and she got ticked and it got ugly.
So I made up my mind that on Friday I was going to approach it differently and we did. She did do her math problems and got them all right.
Where my failure lies is that last week I asked this 8 year old girl, who may have never been in a school setting before to waltz in there and take the school by storm. I was selfishly worried that by her struggling in her first few days in second grade, heck, in her school career that it somehow undermined the hard work I had put into getting her in the class and the work we had done to prepare her. Somehow I made this about me and it isn't. It's about Jacinda. It's about a little strong-willed girl who is currently immersed in a classroom of native English speaking on-level second graders.
So this morning as I sent her off, I told her to try her best, to do what she knew how to do, to ask questions and to have a great day. I also know something she doesn't, there will be a non-screaming mommy waiting to celebrate even her littlest achievements when she gets home.
Because as ugly as last week was...Jacinda is still so excited to go to school every morning. Somewhere deep inside her, she gets it. Not every child has the opportunity to go to school to learn. She knows because until last Wednesday she was the child without that opportunity.
So GO JACINDA GO!!!!