I am beginning to become annoyed at the fixation people around Jacinda and I seem to have on her age and on her development.
You see I grew up as an overweight child and had self-image issues for a long time. And while most of them I have come to terms with and I no longer measure my worth or my successes by the size of my pants or the number on the scale. I gave that up several years ago. And I made a promise to myself that unlike many other people I know that I will not pass these issues on to my child. And that hasn't been hard to stick to. The hardest part has been trying to get other people not to "give her a complex."
Jacinda is tall. Jacinda is probably older than her birth certificate says. She photographs like a teen. She acts in a mature fashion. She is developing into a young lady.
When I used to get photos of her during my waiting...some people referred to her as "regal."
And even when they told me she was 5, she looked much older.
I had a wrist scan done, talked to many "in-the-know" people...doctors, educators, lawyers and I made the decision to age her from the fictitious 5 to a more realistic 7.
Now as she is approaching 9 - the unwelcome and unsolicited comments are irritating the bejeepers out of me. I wouldn't care if Jacinda was 17 right now...I love this kid and she is mine. She could be 9-foot tall and she would still be my baby.
But the comments are starting to wear on her. And there is absolutely no reason for it.
Everywhere we go people make comments about her height. They ask how old she is and when I say 8 almost 9 - this almost always follows..."Boy she is tall for her age. She looks a lot older too." I am serious complete strangers walk up to us and make these comments. There are times at restaurants we have to practically beg for a children's menu. We can be out to dinner with people with other kids and the server will bring every other child at the table a drink in a "kid's cup" and yet bring Jacinda an adult portion.
Now let me just point out it isn't as if she is 6 foot tall right now, heck she isn't even 5 foot tall.
But just by the tone of the comments she hears, Jacinda has decided being tall is a bad thing. She is starting to slouch. She gets irritated at the comments and so do I!
But the moment that broke my heart last week was when we were having a mommy-daughter discussion about growing up. She looked up with tears in her eyes and told me that soon people weren't going to let her be my "little girl" because she was growing up and was too tall.
I informed her that she is my "little girl." Because at 8 or 9 or even 13, she still needs someone to take care of her.
So I am going to make an effort to squelch these comments and kindly inform people her height and age is no longer a topic of discussion. I am surprised that people, especially adults...don't stop and realize that there is a little set of ears listening when they are critiquing her appearance.
So the tall and the short of it is...the topic is closed for discussion!
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6 comments:
You go girl! It isn't anyone's beeswax how old she is, how tall she is or anything else.
People can be so oblivious to the fact that things are just NONE of their doggone business! I would have a script ready, "We don't discuss personal business with strangers", or "what makes you ask that question?" That last one usually is enough to fluster people and make them realize they've overstepped a boundary.
Studies have shown that african-american girls develop much sooner than their same age white counterparts. Jameson is short, so we don't have that tall conversation, but she "looks" much older than she is and has since she was 8. People are socially stunted and do not even know when they are being rude. My oldest daughter is almost 6 feet tall and everyone, everywhere, always felt the need to comment on her height. She is just now at almost age 20, embracing how tall she is and realizing how lucky she is. Just keep telling her how lucky she is to be tall; eventually she'll think so too!
Hope I haven't said anything of this type to cause Jacinda such heartache. I love this beautiful child and want her to be proud of her accomplishments and how beautiful she is. I will certainly watch my comments because I would not want to cause her or you any upset.
wow! As a mom we always have to be in the on top of things like this and some times it means shutting down conversations and questions that can harm our children. It is sad that folks can just a/b say any thing that comes to their mouth w/o regard to the damage it can cause.
when I see Jacinda I see a little girl. Who is precious, loving,self confident, and needs her mom. I love to hear her laugh and see that huge smile. who cares how tall she is? I think she is beautiful, I can see her being a model when she gets older. Thanks for bringing her into my life!
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