Conflicted & Convicted...

Children's Ministry has been where my heart has always been. I have been teaching children is some way or another since I was 13 years old...just a kid myself. I remember the year between "aging" out of our Kids Church and being old enough to help as one of sadness on Sunday mornings.
I have fond memories of helping with VBS, traveling around with a puppet ministry and performing jaw-dropping object lessons that really brought home the message of the Gospel in unforgettable ways.
During my time in Maryland, I was blessed enough to be asked by our pastor to take over the children's ministry there. What a privilege it was to love on those kids every Sunday. It's going on two years and I still miss them all of the time. I follow their lives on facebook and get their little in box messages about how much they miss Jacinda and myself and my heart simultaneously breaks and melts with their words and those of their parents echoing the same sentiments.
When I moved home to Grafton there were cries of "We need you" at my mom's church. I immediately agreed to teach a Sunday school class and assist with the church's youth program. Later on I was asked to direct the children Christmas program and then VBS.
Somewhere along the line, it became apparent that my form of discipline (i.e. expectations of respect) did not line up with the leadership of the church's youth program. I ended up in the preacher's office and made the decision not to return to the program this year.
That being said, I have always been a leader that never understood when parents said that they didn't bring their children to church programs because the kids "don't want to come." So, despite my experiences with the program, I faithfully brought Jacinda to class each Sunday. I stayed at the church during this time, all the while being ignored by the other leaders who were my counterparts only months ago. Sometimes I feel like the outcast and it breaks my heart. I wish I could express how much I have cried over this issue and how I still have to give it to the Lord because in my humanness I keep taking it back. It is single-handedly the deepest wound fellow Christians have ever inflicted. And I feel my own walk with the Lord has suffered from it. I am broken, but I have remained positive about this program for Jacinda's sake. She has memorized many Bible verses and was quite the overachiever in her book. She loved going and always talked about the fun she had...until a month ago.
Suddenly things changed. I couldn't get her to open her handbook let alone memorize the weekly verse. She started saying things like I don't want to go tonight and I knew instinctively something was awry. She didn't share with me what was happening for a couple of weeks. But evidently there is a little girl who is for lack of a better word, bullying Jacinda. This is not the first I have heard of it. Jacinda brought the issue up to me a couple of times last year and I offered the traditional parental advice to "just ignore her."
Evidently the ignoring route is just allowing this child to become more bold in her attempts to let Jacinda know she is not welcome or liked.
I witnessed some of the questionable actions such as when Jacinda approached this child's table at a church pizza party (at my insistence), the little girl gathered her belongings and friends and moved to another table, leaving Jacinda to sit alone. But the behavior doesn't stop there, comments are made about her English, her artistic abilities and just outright mean actions when they are playing games etc. And yet, no one says anything to this child or encourages Jacinda. In the defense of those around I don't know if they just don't see it, or if I only see it because I know to look for it.
My conflict is that I want my daughter in a program where children are not only taught the Bible as head knowledge, but also in deed. I want Jacinda to understand that if you should ever expect anyplace to be fair and loving, it should be the church, but I don't even feel that myself.
So herein lies the conviction...I have become that mother who has let her child not go to the program because "she doesn't want to." Of course, the real issue is that with all I have seen...I don't blame her.
Guess I better keep on praying...