Dear Heavenly Father,

One week from tonight I will be seeking your peace as I wait to hear whether or not motherhood will elude me. Lord, you know my heart. You know one of my deepest desires is to be a mom. It is a yearning that reaches to the very core of me. Your word says that you will give us the desires of our heart and Lord I am crying out and asking that you grant this desire to be Jaci B's mom.
Lord, I know this path won't always be easy. I am not expecting a fairytale. But I am expecting You to see me through. I am preparing for the opportunity to raise this child in your ways and to teach her all about you, your sacrifice and your love by being a living, breathing example of You. I know you have been teaching me patience through this process. Lord I pray that my wisdom has been increased and that my daughter will benefit from the lessons I have learned in my waiting. But most of all I ask that when my daughter looks at me that she will always see a reflection of You.
Lord I pray that you will clear every obstacle in our path. Lord ensure that all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed. I ask that you remove any block that would be in the way and that you release any strongholds that remain.
Lord I thank you for all of your many provisions and for your perfect timing. Thank you for comforting me when no one else could. Thank you for leading me on this journey and for planting this desire in my heart many, many years ago.
I love you and I will never be able to thank you enough for what you have done for me. You have never failed me one time and I know this situation will not be any different. So tonight, one week early Lord I hand this over to you. I hand Jaci B over to you to protect and prepare for her new life in America. I have done all that I can, so it is time to let go and let you be God.

Amen.

Love these definitions!!!!

Natural child: any child who is not artificial.



Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary.



Your own child: any child who is not someone else's child.



Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.



(Rita Law, quoted in Pat Johnson, Speaking Positively (Indianapolis: Perspective Press, 1992).

Saturday Song!!

This week I got some new photos of Miss Jaci B and as I gazed at her face and stared into her eyes, I am renewed and reminded that she has been chosen for me and that we will be together. So this Saturday's Song is for my soon-to-be official daughter. I can't wait to have you home and to forever give you love!

Forever Love

The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew
We'd spend this life side by side
I still feel the same though you're so far away
I swear that you'll always be my

Forever love
I promise you
Someday we'll be together
Forever love
I won't give up
No matter what
I'll be waiting for you
Forever love

Minutes and hours and years may go by
But my heart knows nothing of time
So don't cry, just keep me right there in your dreams
And hold on to these words of mine

Forever love
I promise you
Someday we'll be together
Forever love
I won't give up
No matter what
I'll be waiting for you
Forever love

Love is the road to our destiny
Nothing can change what is meant to be

Forever love
I promise you
Someday we'll be together
Forever love
I won't give up
No matter what
I'll be waiting for you
Forever love

Fortunate

Yesterday was kind of a lazy day in the office. It was rainy, dreary and we needed a little pick-me-up...so we ordered lunch in. We had Chinese and gathered around the conference table for some fun. We laughed and had a good time and then it was time for the Fortune cookies.

First Michele opened hers... it read "Good news will come to you from far away."

I immediately thought of my upcoming court date and said, "Hey I am the one that needed that one."

Then Wendy opened hers...it read "Good news will come to you from far away."
I just shook my head in amusement.

So Jennifer ripped hers open expectently and again, her fortune read "Good news will come to you from far away."

Now it was my turn and I cracked the cookie and pulled the slip of paper from the sweet shell. Of course I did not receive the promise of good news from afar...mine read :THe luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others."

Hmmmm....then wondering why I was the one coveting their fortunes?

Saturday Song on Monday!

So this Saturday I was at the Maryland Shore soaking up some early springtime sun! I had a get-a-way with my BFF Aimee and the Brynster! We laughed, we ate, we shopped and we decided the tide had turned in 2009 and that things were starting to brighten and lighten. So in honor of this, here's Saturday's Song...the happy little diddy...Here Comes the Sun!

HERE COMES THE SUN

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

A date!!!!

Just heard from my agency...our new court date is April 7th...exactly three weeks from today.

Saturday Song

And the hits just keep on coming, but hey, it's only the world! Someday this will all be a distant memory! I am only stuck on the ground for a little while!

Only the World
Been a hard one
Been a bad one
Been a tough one
Been a sad one
It's been just one of those days
That keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothin' new here
It's what I do here
It's a stereotypical day in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
But I know it's alright

'Cause it's only the world I'm living in
It's only today I've been given
There ain't no way I'm giving in
'Cause it's only the world
I know the best is still yet to come
'Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me

Anybody, do you hear me?
Do you feel me?
I mean do you feel me?
I know I'm not the only one wearing the weight of this world
We got problems, said it's alright
Just remember, yeah it's alright
Take a good look around
We're just stuck on the ground for a little while
Don't it make you smile

Heaven is a place
Where the tears on every face will be wiped away
Oh and I can't wait to go
But for now, it's enough to know
This is only temporary

JOYFUL REFERRAL NEWS

Not mine, but my BFF Aimee! Aimee got quite a shock earlier this week when she was contacted by her agency and told that they felt the paperwork on the 8-year-old little girl she was planning on adopting was going to take too long, so she was offered and accepted the referral of a tiny little sweetie named Hermela. Her age is somewhere between 3 and 5. It doesn't matter since everyone who has seen her mischevious grin is already head over heels for her! She is going to fit in perfectly with her little sister, Brynly!

So now we just need to get our girls home!

On my adoption front, I have not received any additional news. In fact I haven't been able to get a confirmation for when our rescheduled court date will be. In the last few days that has made me very uneasy. Hopefully tomorrow I can wake up to a surprise and get the next piece of this adoption puzzle. I am trying to be patient, but sometimes the nothingness gets to me, so please pray for me...because tonight I really need it.

Dear Jaci B

One year ago today, darling girl, I began my journey to you.
I never could have imagined how hard the process would be. But I don't want you to ever think for a single minute that it hasn't been worth every frustration and every tear that I have cried to get to you.
A year ago you were this tiny dream that sprouted in my heart. I remember nervously waiting for that first appointment with the social worker as I tried to remind myself that he put his pants on the same way as I did. Or how nervous I was when I didn't get a tracking number to watch my dossier arrive in Ethiopia like most people do...(it arrived safely though!). Or how Aimee and I sat out on the balcony at the beach trying to get a good enough internet signal to see if perhaps a referral had arrived via e-mail. I didn't know then that I would have to wait five more months to see your sweet face.
And each day as I look at you smiling proudly in the shirt I sent to you, my heart leaps and longs for the someday that has eluded us. Our court failure two weeks ago took the wind from my sails for a few days. But the dream of my heart hasn't dimmed and soon...very soon...darling girl this dream will take wings and I will fly to you and we will finally be together. However long it takes...I will wait for you, because I am your amaye.

This one's for the girls! Saturday Song:

This has not been an easy week for many of the women in my circle. Injuries, heartbreak, frustrations, recoveries, work issues, relationship woes...you get the picture. I wish I was making it up, but this week was one of the ones best left in the past. We all know we'll make it, but until then...here's a feel good song for all of you out there...you know who you are, ladies!

This One's For The Girls lyrics

This is for all you girls about 13
High school can be so rough, can be so mean
Hold on to, on to your innocence
Stand your ground when everybody's givin' in
This one's for the girls

This is for all you girls about 25
In little apartments, just tryin' to get by
Livin' on, on dreams and spaghettios
Wonderin' where your life is gonna go

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holdin' back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world, this one's for the girls
(This one's for all the girls)

This is for all you girls about 42
Tossin' pennies into the fountain of youth
Every laugh, laugh line on your face
Made you who you are today

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holdin' back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world, this one's for the girls

Yeah, we're all the same inside
(Same inside)
From 1 to 99

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holdin' back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world, yeah, this one's for the girls

There is a Skunk at our food bowl

You've gotta love having a great friend beside you when life starts hurling lemons at you. My morning began with this e-mail Aimee sent with this quip:

There is a skunk at our food bowl right now.


One of the greatest secrets of life is having patience & wisdom

Promises

I try to be a woman of my word and one of those reasons is because there is nothing that can cut me so deeply as a broken promise or a lie from someone I have placed my trust in. I don't expect people to be perfect, but I do expect them to be honest. Is that unrealistic? Yes in today's world it often is, but I am not going to lower my expectations because I don't have to. Does that mean I will experience hurts and heartaches...absolutely. But I also know that there is One that I can have complete confidence in that He will never break His word and that is the Lord.
Sunday night as I sat in church, my heart ached over last week's court disappointment. There were a couple times during praise and worship when I thought about walking out. I was broken and so many well-meaning fellow Christians just kept saying things like "Give it to God and trust Him." "His timing is always right." "If it is God's will it will happen." I knew all of that, but I found no comfort in these words, because they were coming from other people. Nothing reached to the depths of my dispair and disappointment, but the Lord had something for me. The sermon that night was about standing on the promises of God. Every word the pastor spoke I felt was directed at me. (Come on, you've been there and know what I mean.)
It wasn't comfortable because the Lord was telling me that while He understood me and how shattered I felt inside...it was time to give it to Him. It was time to dry up the tears and enter fully back into my life. And then during prayer time, my pastor's wife asked if they could pray for me, and I nodded yes. As my church family circled around me, laid hands on me and prayed...I felt the release. Then my pastor stopped and told me that he had been praying that the Lord would give him a scripture for me and that for two days, there wasn't anything. That was until he placed his hand on my head...he said at that point the Lord revealed to him this promise for me...
Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Well anyone who knows me, knows what my desire is. So today the hurt has almost disappeared. And I am standing on the promise from the One that I know will NEVER fail me.