OLIVIA MAME IS FINALLY COMING HOME

Jacinda made many friends in Ethiopia during her time at Hope. But there were a few girls who really stood out, one of them was a darling girl named Mame. I first learned of Mame in February 2008 when I had first started my process and saw where a woman named Sandee had accepted her referral. It gave me hope that my wait wouldn't be long.

But Mame's process was to be a long, heart breaking journey of failed court cases, missing paperwork and a little girl who was growing up in photos as a mother longed to hold her in her arms. Even my drawn-out process moved at lightning speed compared to hers!

When I visited Ethiopia I was able to meet Mame. Sweet Mame, who made sure one of the caretakers dictated a note that I was privileged enough to bring back to her momma. Mame, who took Jacinda Bizunesh under her wing and showed her love and kindness when Jacinda was sooo scared. Mame ate Bizunesh's eggs (my girl despise's them) and made sure her hair looked nice.

Well today the journey of more than 2 years enters another phase because this little mommy-like angel has a new mommy of her own!

Congratuations Sandee (Visit her blog!) and hurry home Olivia Mame! So many people have been praying for you!

I can't wait to tell Jacinda the news!

40 Things to Do Before I am 40 - Update 2!

Two months in and I realize I have been slacking! Really slacking and I need to get motivated! So hopefully this “bad” month will be a wake up call and not the beginning to the downfall of my list. Actually, there is no “hopefully” about it. I am going to pick myself up by my bootstraps and carry on! How’s that for a pep talk???
So here it goes!

40 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I'M 40
Activities
1. Take Jacinda Camping
2. Go away for a Girls weekend with my friends Sherry and Nikki (Update: Still making plans for this one)
3. Take Jacinda on a tour of the Tygart Dam
4. Get some friends together and go Christmas Caroling
5. Have a yard sale (Update, I did find out that there is a community wide yard sale in June, so I am making plans to participate)
6. Enter a contest
7. Take a fall driving tour to go leaf peaking
8. Fly a kite - Well I bought a kite, so I think that counts as a step toward the goal.
9. Discover/Experience four new places/events in WV
10. Try Letterboxing

Reading
11. Read the Bible in chronological order
12. Read at least 6 of the parenting/adoption books sitting on my book shelf
13. Read more in front of and to Jacinda (at least two times a week)
14. Read at least 6 books for pleasure – Don’t think I have picked this one up since last month…

Artistically speaking
15. Take an Art class/workshop
16. Attend at least 6 live theater performances
17. Attend at least 3 concerts
18. Blog at least 10 times a month (I know a stretch for me!) – Ooops! Missed the mark on this one, maybe I should go for an average. LOL!

In the Kitchen
19. Try two new recipes a month - Tried two new recipes...Maple Ham made in the crockpot (VERY, VERY GOOD!) and a Pizza Fondue (Didn’t really care for that one)
20. Organize my spices into some kind of usable system
21. Come up with a new storage system for my canned goods. (Purchased the shelf and have started to move the products. I am event thinking about turning part of the laundry room into a pantry)
22. Come up with a cost-effective, creative solution for a simple/striking counter top/back splash

Better Home & Garden
23. Plant some flowers
24. Create the playroom
25. Fix that pesky leak
26. Get bathroom lights, towel rack, etc. up
27. Add more lighting
28. Get the garage organized
29. Add French doors and a patio
30. Design my dream bathroom and dressing room for when the time comes

Personal Growth & Development
31. Be a better mom
32. Become a better daughter
33. Nurture my friends more

Health and Fitness
34. Lose 40 pounds – (should it be more? Of course, but this is a great place to start)
35. Learn to love some form of exercise (This is by far the hardest one on the list)
36. Eat no processed foods for one month out of the year

Ethiopian Experiences
37. Start attending the Ethiopian Adoption Group meetings in Pittsburgh
38. Expand my Amharic skills – add 40 new words to my repertoire (oops! Of course in my defense, my dear daughter informed me that she never even started speaking Amharic until she came to Hope’s place – so that adds a whole new spin on the mystery)
39. Do a fundraiser/drive for the children at Miskaye
40. And Last and by no means least…BEGIN PAPERCHASING FOR LITTLE J!!! (Was really in a holding pattern this month)

Well I better kick it into gear for next month...that's all I can say!

Going Away

I have been preparing Jacinda for a while now that I was going to be out of town for "school" (very important job-related training). She seemed fine with it until the day before I had to leave.
Her behavior was horrible and I was irritable because of everything that had to be done. It was not a conducive environment to a picture-perfect mother/daughter relationship. But once we both got our acts together and honestly talked about the fact we were sad that we had to be apart...things improved dramatically.
Once I put her to bed that evening...my little elf work began. I was determined to make sure my absence was tolerable for her and for my family members who would be filling in for me as chief caretaker. I carefully made little snack bags for all five school days complete with little stickers and little notes written for each day. I painstakingly picked out school and sports outfits from underwear to hair accessories. I lined up who was taking her to piano, dance, soccer and school. I set out five cups and packets of Carnation Instant Breakfast, so there would be no manipulating Grammy into letting her eat powdered donuts for breakfast. I picked out five Soup at Hands which added a vegetable to her diet in a very sneaky way and most of all I told her repeatedly how very much I was going to miss her.
Plans were all made and we were both prepared to be apart. However, one and a half days into my training, the instructor suffered a tragic family loss and the class was cancelled. So I headed home to my girl.
She thanked me a dozen times for coming home early. And the sweetest surprise for me was that for every one of my little notes I tucked into her snack bags, she had written one back to me. Just another sweet mommy moment I am going to cherish for the rest of my life!

Dancing through life

She lacks confidence...so WHAT?!?!

I am going through a rough patch right now. I know there 10 million people who have it worse than I do, but right now I am irritated, I am a little defeated and I am saddened. And it has nothing to do with my little princess...

You see in my past life...one I don't like to remember or dwell on too often, I was a girl, teen and yes, young woman who had almost no confidence in myself. I wallowed in my own self-pity, self-loathing and self-centeredness. I was dramatic. I was pathetic. I surrounded myself with enablers and looking back I make myself sick.

About a 15 years ago - my shaky foundation was kicked out from under me and that forced me to re-evaluate my life. It was the BEST thing that could have ever happened to me. At that moment I recognized I could either continue to wallow and recreate my "all-fluff-and-no-substance" existence or I could finally begin living. I chose the latter and some miraculous things happened. One of which was I discovered the real ME and I figured out early on...I LOVED who I am!

While that and almost everything that has followed has been so very fulfilling, there is another result. I am very intolerant of insecure women. To the point where they are a pet peeve of mind. Not the little self-doubts that we all have that attack us here or there, or the little areas of "could I be better" that we sometimes entertain. Nope, those are normal and keep us all real. I am talking about the "woe-is-me" females that are constantly looking for reassurance, acceptance or accolades from men, their children, their friends or society as a whole. The ones because of lack in their own lives like to make comparisons, spread rumors and take jabs at others.

Recently I became the target of this unwanted attack. And on more than one occasion, I have been lied to, lied about and intentionally misled by someone who is living my former life. And while I know I should want to take her under my wing and let her know that celebrating who she is...is so much more fulfilling than walking around like a child who is afraid their playmate is trying to take their toys, I just haven't been able to. I am embarrassed to say that I honestly don't want to be around her and every time someone coddles her to her face and then explains to me behind her back that she just lacks confidence, I want to shout....SO WHAT?!?!

I hate that I have allowed myself to be hurt through this. I should know better. I should have seen this coming...but I didn't. However the real issue is that these feelings are becoming a stumbling block in my Christian walk. I want to see her the way Jesus sees her. But I guess I am struggling to do that. My old self wants to slam a door and run out of a room to see if anyone comes running after me like I did in the old days...but the confident woman I have become is fighting to the surface to overcome this. Maybe actually sharing the struggle that is taking place in my head and heart will be the first step to just walking away with my head held high knowing that I did what I was supposed to do and somehow escaped getting pulled back into the drama.

And I made a I am tired of being lied to, lied about and intentionally misled.

Today

Today, April 7, marks the beginning of so many "one-year-ago" moments. See one year ago today...I passed court! I know it is a cliche, but in some ways it seems like it was yesterday and in others it seems like Jacinda has been with me her whole life.

One year ago at 7:17 a.m. I got an e-mail stating that our case had been approved! Today I took a few minutes and read over some of my e-mails from that day... I used phrases like "I am Jello," "I am in awe and so completely over the moon," "It's a surreal feeling."

A year later and the majority of time all I can think of when I look at Jacinda Hope Bizunesh is how incredibly blessed I am. Things aren't perfect, but they are good...really good. Jacinda is a loving young lady. She is empathetic and caring. She has an amazing sense of humor, a flair for the dramatic and a smile that lights up a room.

A year ago she was a dream, a photo, a little girl a world away. Today she is my reality, my joy and my world!