Last Year

A week or so ago I posted about patience and how I was going to graciously accept this "gift" and learn from it. Well turns out I may be full of hot air. Tomorrow I am heading to the beach for a little R&R. Sounds like it should be a piece of cake, right? Well actually this vacation brings up tons of memories from last year.

Last year my best bud Aimee was in the middle of her Ethiopian adoption. Her dossier was in country and she was making preparations and she had a referral. We all remember distinctly crowding around her laptop as the newest pictures of her daughter slowly appeared on the screen as she cursed dial up. We spent the vacation visiting Outlet malls and picking up must-have items for Aimee's "Maybe Baby." It was then that I made the real and tangible decision to put plans in motion for adoption. Of course my plan was to wait until the beginning of 2009 and dive headfirst into the process.

Last year during our vacation, I had a conversation with my mom about my decision and it led to the worst fight ever. When my mom uttered the words, "I just don't think you are ready to be a mom," my heart broke. It was a real and tangible hurt that haunted me for months. I was broken because the woman who had been my biggest supporter had told me that she didn't think I had it in me to make my heart's desire a reality. Words are powerful and those can never be taken back. However after several candid discussions and lots of tears, we worked out. And if someone would have told me that less than a year later, my mom would be where she is today as an excited grammy-to-be, I never would have believed it.

Last year as Aimee and I made our rounds to the outlet stores, we picked up all these goodies for my niece and her daughter. And honestly up until last week, I thought this year I would have my turn. I really thought a referral would come before vacation, so I could hit all of those sales and stock up, but it just wasn't meant to be. So I am working on being patient, which is not easy. Aimee gets to be the one who makes me laugh with things like "Come on Shimmy Baby, we need a referral." You have to love her irreverance in all matters. (Hopefully no one from my agency will read that and be offended :-) !)

So with that I sign off for another break. Who knows maybe the next time I blog, I will be breaking some news of my own. Until then I am just going to stock up on Smalls from the little girl's department, surely a 2-5 year old won't be bigger than that!

Bullets

Exhaustion and stress have taken over. I have no creativity left. So here are the bullet points of my life:

• My dossier reached its final destination, Ethiopia, on Monday. YEAH!!!!
• I had an amazingly awful week of work last week that left me completely and totally exhausted.
• My niece, Leah, has been fighting a flu bug for more than a week and ended up in the emergency room hooked up to IVs on Sunday night.
• I am about two weeks behind in planning for our Vacation Bible School.
• My vacation is coming soon and I can't wait to escape for a little R&R at the beach.
• Every time my phone rings, I wonder if it is THE CALL, which is a crazy way to live.
• My cousin's wife is being induced today, so the newest Whitescarver Woman, Stella, is on her way!
• My kitchen needs to be cleaned so badly that I think I caught the stove contemplating a move to the apartment next to mine.
• My Financial Advisors called yesterday and said they got the loan program from my 401K worked out and I should be all ready to go with the adoption financing.
• I have to pay myself 6% interest, which is kind of funny.
• OK that's about all I have in my right now...until next time.

Lift Off!!!

Just got the news my Dossier is on its way. Great part is that it has been for several days. I don't have a tracking number yet, but it may already be there by the time I get it and that is fine with me!

Patience

So it is day 4 waiting to hear anything on the adoption front. I have always thought of myself as a "It is well with my soul" kind of girl. But this process has taught me otherwise. I went to dinner with some friends last week and I was talking about the process and how waiting wasn't my favorite thing to do. And then I flippantly said..."I know patience is a virture and a fruit of the spirit and all of that, but I never asked the Lord for patience, because I was always afraid He would give it to me." In response to that comment, my friend said..."Looks like He thought you needed it and is giving you the gift anyway."
Hmmm...could it be that the Lord knows better than I what I need? How silly of me to even think that I could pick and choose His gifts. Sometimes I am such a selfish child. Lucky for me I have a Heavenly Father that sees through my faults and knows my needs.

I do have a funny story about Patience. I once worked with a woman named Patience and her last name was...WAIT. (I kid you not!) And what was so hysterical about the situation was if there was ever someone who tested my patience, it was, you guessed it...Patience Wait.

So I am signing off and trying to patiently wait.

Team Ethiopia

Last weekend I had the remarkable experience to meet Tia and Dedra, the two women my best friend Aimee traveled with to Ethiopia when she brought her daughter home. They call themselves Team Ethiopia and it was so rewarding to meet their families and see how their children are doing.
Both Tia and Dedra adopted three children each and as single moms they were very inspirational! We spent the weekend in Atlanta and I had a chance to really get to know their children ranging in age from infancy to 9 years old, I do believe.
Little 5-year-old Kalkidan, who is a con according to her mother, had me wrapped around her finger instantly. Her little smile could light up a room, a house and maybe an entire city. She is the youngest of three and knows how to play the role amazingly well. The other children are equally charming and spent time helping me with the Amarhic alphabet. It was sheer joy just to watch the children and I spent most of the weekend observing and soaking it all in. As well as dreaming about my own journey into motherhood.
I just wanted to publicly thank Aimee for including me and Tia & Dedra for being such amazing hostesses. There was not one time during the whole weekend that I felt like an outsider and that is the mark of true friendship. I hope what began last weekend will continue long into the future. I truly feel blessed to have had this experience!

UPDATED!!! PLEASE PAUSE FOR THIS IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

My dossier iwill be on its way to Ethiopia at the beginning of next week.

Update!

My documents are on their way back to me from the Secretary of State. I should have them in my hands tomorrow by 10:30 a.m. Here's praying they have all been authenticated and are ready to be sent to the Assistant Stork. YAY!!!!

Three stops away from Ethiopia

The documents for my dossier arrived safely at the Secretary of State's Office this morning at 9:22 a.m. (I have a million butterflies in my stomach because this is the first time I have let these documents out of my sight on official business). The Fed Ex man better be careful. With that being said I am hoping that the SOS will be sending the documents back to me tomorrow or Thursday. Once I get it here's what happens:
1. I make copies of the whole kit and caboodle.
2. It gets sent to The Assistant Stork (entrusting these documents to the Fed Ex man...again!). Here's what The Assistant Stork does in her own words: "As soon as we receive your documents, we will go through everything and scrutinize your documents thoroughly, making sure each document has been authenticated correctly. Next, we will take your documents to the State Department as soon as possible. (The State Department is only open 7:30AM-11:00AM and the mail usually comes in too late for us to take them over the same day we receive them.) At the State Department we will wait while they Authenticate your documents. We will check to be sure that they authenticate every single document correctly (after all, they're human beings, they make mistakes too.) As soon as that's finished, we will take your documents down to the Embassy for Authentication. We will leave your documents with the Embassy and pick them back up on the date they are ready."
3. Then the dossier is sent to Ethiopia.

The little messenger

I have been away for a few days for this awesome opportunity to spend some quality time and meet several families who have adopted from Ethiopia. (I will write much more on this adventure later. Trust me, it is worth waiting for.)

On Sunday afternoon, three of the families who traveled together went to have a group picture taken of the kids. I was sitting in the waiting area of the photography studio thinking/dreaming about what it will be like when I have my daughter home, when this little girl walks up to where I was sitting. She had come in with another family to pick up their photos. She looked up at me with these dark brown eyes and reached for me. I picked her up and without making a sound she nestled into my lap and rested her head perfectly under my chin. She sat there quietly for a moment and then this 2 and 1/2 year old, took my face into her hands looked me in the eyes and rubbed her nose back and forth across mine. She then put her little hand in mine and rested her head against my chest. It was about this time that those around us noticed the exchange. Her mother saw us and asked me if I was a mother and I said with a smile. "Not yet." and she replied with a smile "You will be soon. You're ready, if you weren't she never would be sitting with you like that."

I know these words will never capture the feeling from that day. It was almost like it happened in slow motion and everything seemed to be silent and still for a few magical moments.
I know that most people would say this little girl's actions could be explained as a coincidence, but I don't believe in a God of coincidences. For me this was the beautiful, breathtaking moment when motherhood became almost tangible thanks to a special little messenger and I know there will come a day soon when I won't be holding someone else's child, I will be holding my daughter.

Thankfully my God is always right on time, so I will praise him in the waiting and await His perfect timing for my dream come true.