This was the question I was asked this morning by someone at my corporate office concerning my adoption.
It isn't the first time I have been asked this question and I know it won't be the last...but for some reason today...I paused when asked. Because I realized my answer has changed.
At the beginning of the process during the paperchasing era...it was a series of check marks on a list. I am a great list maker and follower, so that part was almost comfortable. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Nope, if I can do it, anyone can do it."
Then came the waiting for a referral...and then more waiting...this part was incredibly hard for me. There wasn't a rhyme or a reason. No one could give me a tangible end date or even a timeline for a worst case scenario. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Incredibly."
And then I saw her face. People had told me this would be the hardest part...but it wasn't not really. Suddenly everything clicked. I had a face. I had a name. I had the end in sight. I don't think anyone asked "Is it hard" during this phase because I was simply walking on air.
Then there was the wait for a court date. This part again tested my limits of sanity. Because again there didn't seem to be a rhyme or a reason, but soon (although it didn't feel like soon at the time)...a court date was confirmed. When asked "Is it hard" during this phase I answered..."Oh my yes, but I believe this is all part of my labor."
And here we are a week before my court date and I don't know where time has gone. This time has flown by. My stomach is in knots, as I have said I am having problems sleeping. I keep trying to imagine what it will feel like if I don't pass and there is more waiting, but I honestly can't even go there right now. Because right now is a scary place to be...either way.
So today when I was asked "So was it hard" I answered..."Single-handedly the hardest thing I have ever done, but without a doubt...the best thing I have ever attempted to do." And suddenly it hit me...I sounded like a mom and that part wasn't hard at all!
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3 comments:
Sure is hard waitin' for the stupid 171H...
Hang in there Aimee...it will come!!!!
Diann, that was really to read, and yes it is hard. You summed up the profess so well. I think i was fine until I got the referral. I know for some it is the opposite, but for me, looking at their faces helps, but it is my motherly instincts that make me want to be there to look over them and make sure they are ok.... If I could I surely would jump on the next thing smoking and just go there.
Talking w/a friend of mine the other day a/b the lottery being up to 120 million and she asked what would I do w/the money, I told her the first thing I would do is book my flight to ET and be w/my girls until I can bring them home!!! but in the real world where I don't have millions and millions I have to just live off of reports/photos and my faith. I sure hope once my court date approaches I can say the time really flew by.
Celeste
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