Happy New Year (a.k.a. Sooo long...no blog)

I know that it has been forever but in my defense it is not that I haven't tried. I mean, after all there are 15 started posts in draft form waiting to be completed in the post cue. I am hoping to get them finished up or deleted before 2012 rolls into town on Sunday. Wish me luck...I know.
I guess as the year winds down, it is time for some reflection and believe me there is a lot to reflect on this year. It was a year of loss, a year of gain and a year of having things returned that I thought were long gone.

Loss:the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had
This year I lost weight. The world, our world, lost a great man - my BFF's father and that spurred the second loss, losing touch with my best friend. While the first loss listed is one of accomplishment that I hope to pick up and continue in 2012, the other two are steeped in unspeakable heartbreak. One is unfair, permanent and tragic, the other loss is one that time will heal and a connection will be remade with patience, understanding and a promise to never give up...a promise that I am renewing for 2012.

Gain:to acquire as an increase or addition
A year of gain...I gained a sense of empowerment...a renewed sense of who I am and what I want and a commitment to be honest...to tell people how I feel...to stop trying to please everyone all the time and I gained the freedom to stand up for myself even more.
I gained a new friendship that has quickly moved beyond friendship to cross the lines of family with my friend Lori. Two years after the relocation she became the stabilizing force I needed to ground me in my new life. She makes me miss Maryland a lot less nowadays. She loves my daughter like an aunt and is truly the biggest blessing of the year. I don't know how I went 40 years without this friendship, but I am so blessed to know I will have it for the next 40!
The most shocking gain of 2012 happened near the close of the year when romance came calling. While the relationship is still brand new, it is most definitely a gain to be appreciated as a woman, and not just a friend, mother, sister, daughter, coworker...my perspective has changed a bit. I am learning what it means to feel beautiful, cherished and desirable for the first time in my life. I have no big plans for this romance, but I am indeed enjoying this new exploration of a side of Diann I didn't think existed even though some days I am scared to death.

Return: to put, bring, take, give, or send back to the original place, position
2012 saw the return of two friendships: Heather (my Sister Woman) and Jen (my Mossy). Both friendships have such special places in my heart - that were vacant during their absences. Heather is a sister of my heart. I have missed her quiet ways and nurturing more than I would have ever admitted. My friendship Jen is something I can't explain. After nearly a decade and a half of a break - when we reconnected this September it was like no time had passed, but not in a let's-be-who-we-were-back-then kind of way, more in a let's discover the women we have become. And we have...so much about her has changed and yet so much of what I remember is still there. And the same can be said for me. Our friendship isn't something everybody "gets" - but I don't care. It's the laughter, the acceptance and the "je ne sais quoi" that somehow equals a charmed camaraderie that I am eternally grateful for.
The other return came in the form of my desire to write...really write. I have been toying with and dabbling in some writing exercises and am now ready to pick up those novels that have long laid dormant and pick up the keyboard again. Who knows maybe 2012 will see one of them finally come to completion...wouldn't that be something?

And now for the plans...the same plans as every year, I guess. I want to be a better Christian, mom, daughter, aunt, sister, cousin, niece, friend, blogger, exerciser, reader, laugh-er, employee, leader and so many more things. When it comes right down to it like most everyone...I just want to be a better me.

Happy New Year everyone!