Today marks three months that my dossier has been in Ethiopia.
Three months is a fiscal quarter. Three months is a pregnancy trimester. Three months seems like three years for me today.
I knew the road would be hard. I thought the paperwork would be the hardest part, but it wasn't. That was easy. Waiting has not been easy for me. I would say that I feel like I have been riding a roller coaster, but I can't really find the high points today. I can easily remember all of the wrong feelings that "today could be the day." the fleeces I have half-heartedly placed before the Lord (if the phone rings in the next five minutes, this week will be the week) and the self-doubt (maybe if I pray more or sin less, this will be the time.) And yet it hasn't come.
Three months may only be 90 days, but for me it feels like a lifetime. A long lifetime of going home yet again to an empty apartment where I long to hear giggles, laughter and questions from an unidentified little girl that I already adore.
And yet at three months, I am still asking...will it EVER be my turn?
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2 comments:
I know it seems like it's been forever. Like most expectant mothers, the waiting leads to thoughts of terrible things going wrong and such. Hold fast to your beliefs. The good Lord has the perfect little girl out there waiting to match you up. Hold on to your dreams and busy yourself with getting her room finished and other things to keep your mind from giving way to doubt. There is a specific plan for everything in our lives, your path has had many turns and hills for you to travel. You are never far from my thoughts and I pray daily for your little girl to come home to you soon. Love ya,
It will be your turn.... have no doubt, in God's time, just know God is not ready for your little precious baby girl to be revealed to you yet.. and when the time when the time comes, you will know, b/c that will be the day.
hold tight, it will be here and all this will be a distant memory.
Celeste
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