Worried...

I am not an alarmist by nature, but I come from a long line of worriers. Honestly, it is in my blood as my own dear Grandma is stilled described as a worry wart more than 30 years since she died.
As a woman of faith, I recognize that I don't need to worry (i.e. I SHOULD NOT WORRY), but I have a tendency to do just that if I am not careful. And in the adoption realm there's A LOT to worry about. I learned first hand with the 15-month process I was in to bring Jacinda home. So many nights and days I was worried, full of fear and broken in tears. I promised myself that the second adoption would be different, so I tend to stay clear of message boards and even adoption blogs this time around.
However in the past few weeks...news in the Ethiopian adoption arena has not been great and has trickled down to a "head-in-the-sand" me. Agencies are using words like "in flux," "uncertain," and "could change without any notice" to describe their programs. And there are even groups asking people to hold off on beginning a new adoption as the responsible thing to do.
And so for the past few weeks I have been worried.
I have most of my paperwork together, but I have been really lax about starting my fingerprints or signing a contract and sending the several thousand dollar contract fee to a new agency. I am trying not to worry, but I just don't have peace about this. I don't want to be just another story of heartbreak. I don't have thousands of dollars lying around that wouldn't be missed if it all fell apart.
I am praying for a sign. I would like an answer. I worry that by holding off until things are more settled, I will really be watching the door close on an Ethiopian sister for Jacinda. I worry that I am doing the Lord a disservice by worrying at all, since He is in control. I worry that because I am worrying that adopting another child is not the right move.
And yet as I worry and pray for answers, instead of clarification, it seems I only discover more questions.
I don't want the fear of the unknown to paralyze me into non-action. I am not a coward. But I want to make sure that whatever decision I make or move I take, that it is the right path for our family and that it is what He will have me do.
So for now I will continue to pray, to do what I can to help Ethiopia and other African countries, pray that someday I will have a new daughter to love and try my best not to worry.